Archive: Issue No. 79, March 2004

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A rather queer dialogue
by Andre Vorster

Andre Vorster is the architect of Cape Town's world-famous Mother City Queer Project (MCQP). The annual MCQP costume party extravaganza is Africa's biggest queer tribal gathering. Thousands of gays, lesbians and their friends attend the themed fancy dress mega-ball, all arriving in teams with matching costumes. The party is a celebration of Cape Town, said to be the queerest city in the World. It has become an international flagship event, and in many ways has contributed to Cape Town's image as a tolerant and sexy seaside city. Here Andre chats to Sharon about Queer Tribes in Cape Town.

One day at MCQP. The phone rings. Ring-Ring.

Andre Vorster: Hello, this is MCQP.

Sharon: Hello, my name is Sharon, I am looking for a list of all the gays. My boss says the gays have money and he said you have the list of all the gays. Please can you fax it to me.

AV: Sweetie darling, that list does not exist.

S: But you must help me find the list of gays. My boss will kill me if I don't give it to him today.

AV: Aghh shame Sharon, here goes� Cape Town is made up of many queer tribes� board room dykes, gym queens, muscle Mary's, lipstick lesbians, the bears, fashion victims, fag hags, lesbian moms, corporate queers, wine farm moffies, poofters with pets, dykes with dogs, web mistresses, garden-a-go-go, sports groupies, cook sisters, koeksusters, eat-out aunties, dagga-kops, media mommies, club queens, mother nature outdoor enthusiasts, car and bike dykes, mechanical moffies� should I go on ?

S: What are Bears?

AV: Bears are older, heavier, hairier gay men who are sexually attracted to other older heavier hairier men. They like beer, braaing and fishing - and have absolutely no interest in changing fashion trends. They are cuddly and friendly - and any bear can travel around the world and stay for free with another bear. Younger hairless bears are called otters.

S: That's naaice. My boyfriend also likes beer and braai. [Sharon giggles]. Do the tribes fight with each other?

AV: Only the diesel dykes fight with the fag hags. Everything else is fine. Fag hags are straight women who are in love with gay men - who they believe will one day change and become straight. Fag hags don't take any advice from their mother's or female friends anymore - they only listen to advice from their very special gay best friend (GBF). When the GBF finally finds a lasting boyfriend, he drops the fag hag like a disposable nappy. The really butch diesel dykes think the fag hags are actually lesbians.

S: Thanks, I'll tell my boss. Goodbye.